The key to doing this is being observant. When someone ignores you, they might not realize the damage it causes or they do, and they think it'll make you better. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. 15 Ways to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment Speak in Private. Because we humans require social contact for our mental health, the ramifications of isolation can be severe, Joel Cooper, a psychology professor at Princeton, told me. Key to De-escalating an Argument and Improving Marriage Communication, 15 Ways of Setting Boundaries in a New Relationship, https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/withholding-intimacy-can-be-abusive-too, https://desertstreams.org/the-magic-bullet-in-marriage-seeking-the-balance-of-self-care-and-sacrifice/, Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. They constantly introspect, wondering what is wrong with them, unable to shake the feeling that they are the problem, and continually feel less of themselves. The silent treatment can be defined as the following: a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval, and contempt is exhibited through. Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. However, it's essential to analyze the situation and make sure that you're looking at the big picture. "The biggest long-term consequence may be a child's inability to securely attach in future relationships," Wright said. Understanding this necessitates that we explore the psychology of the silent treatment, and is as follows: One of the reasons why silent treatment abuse is a major problem is because its effect can be felt outside of the relationship. One way of addressing the issue is by calling it out directly, but never in an accusatory or hostile way. And the tactic is nothing new. Accepting whatever is thrown at them results in a skewed, Silent treatment does not only affect people; it affects the relationship between them. Friends and family members can often help resolve their loved ones when their stubborn nature wont listen to you. Sadly, some use it as a form of control or even a type of abuse. It seems I assumed it is common knowledge to try to resolve conflicts and communicate clearly when you feel angry about something. Accepting whatever is thrown at them results in a skewed power dynamic. This way, they would have no choice but to meet you halfway for constructive conversations. (2014). Silent treatment could dissipate tension. Essentially, the silent treatment is a noxious (non)communication tactic that is often meant to exert emotion control over someone else through sowing doubt, confusion, and anxiety. In the long term, the stress can be considered abuse., Read: The particular cruelty of domestic violence, Although a perpetrator might use the silent treatment in many different scenarios, this is what every scenario has in common: People use the silent treatment because they can get away with it without looking abusive to others, Williams explained, and because its highly effective in making the targeted individual feel bad., The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesnt know why theyre apologizing. Religions have frozen out individuals for centuries: Catholics call it excommunication, herem is the highest form of punishment in Judaism, and the Amish practice Meidung. When. All rights reserved. The silent treatment easily becomes abuse to the other party when it negatively affects their self-esteem. But this new research has identified at least some situations when silence might be golden: When people are strongly motivated to avoid social interaction with an undesirable person, giving the. Try putting yourself in your partners shoes for a minute. He credits it all to the power of positive thoughts, words, actions and reactions. At the moment I am having vengeful thoughts how to hurt my daughter back. Accepting whatever is thrown at them results in a skewed power dynamic. People who regularly use or experience the silent treatment should take steps to address it. The isolation made my son change from a happy, vibrant boy to a spineless jellyfish, and I knew I was the cause, the father said to Williams. I have endured too much of this and compromised my self, feelings and soul. The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Expressing that this hurts you will probably be just as effective as hoping the issue will resolve itself on its own, if not more so. The following are some telltale signs that the silent treatment is becoming abusive. It rears its head in other relationships, even in the workplace, and causes the affected party to second guess all their decisions. They are likely to engage in behaviors such as clinging or reassurance-seeking, anything they can do to try and get the parent to stop engaging in that behavior. Usually, this type of action is displayed in someone who has had little to no parental teaching. As I listened, the question that lingered most was How could these people do this to those closest to them? Kipling Williams has studied the effects of the silent treatment for more than 36 years, meeting hundreds of victims and perpetrators in the process: A grown woman whose father refused to speak with her for six months at a time as punishment throughout her life. What to do if you can't trust your partner. So you give them the exact opposite : Indifference. The consensus is that when someone gives you the silent treatment, theyre doing more than just not speaking. One rather iffy way to address the problem might be to wait it out, in the hopes that it blows over. "We often defer to silence and avoidance as a strategy to preserve the relationshipbut it actually does exactly the oppositeand the other person experiences your silence as absence and avoidance," Page explains. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. How a person responds to the silent treatment depends on whether or not their partner is being abusive. How to Handle the Silent Treatment With Dignity - Live Bold and Bloom This type of statement focuses on the feelings and beliefs of the speaker rather than any characteristics they attribute to the other person. The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife, and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them. Use sound judgment before you outreach to the family. "If you feel like you don't have the power to communicate your needs, your pain, or your desire, the silent treatment is effectively a way to gain back power when you feel powerless," he explains. Most people who start giving the silent treatment never intend for it to go on for as long as it does, but it can be very difficult to stop, Williams told me. Kipling Williams has studied the effects of the silent treatment for more than 36 years, meeting hundreds of victims and perpetrators in the process: A grown woman whose father refused to speak. If you stop and think about how silly it is to fight over bread, then you can look at other situations and see how crazy theyre too. The Silent Treatment and Its Effects The intention is to punish the other person," said Vaile Wright, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association.
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