See what happens then. Those are his choices. I know there is no right way to do this, but gosh I feel like my life is just in SUCH limbo I dont even know if I should invite him places or tell him plans I have as far as this weekend bc im just so afraid of pushing him away. i know its allowing him to cake eat and have things very easy, but I just have to focus on only myself and the baby for now. Needing him to do all these things to live up to what I want, and he feels controlled. No argument. I think you did the best thing given the options you had. When a persons eyes are opened, there is no going back. I get nowhere asking him questions. I did not over react. His words were always I want to be married. Imagine how awful that was calling the OW and asking for answers as to why your H is acting crazy. Trying to get someone to see the mistakes they are making. Its been very strange. I do get kind of afraid he is convincing himself im speaking to another man and then he will just get deeper and deeper with OW, or other WOMEN, but I guess thats also something i shouldnt worry about. And Im not saying my confrontation w/my H stopped his A at DDay2. During the week im usually still awake when he gets home, he will usually get home right before we put the baby down for bed. And if he leaves you or you separate or D it is his choice. I didnt think I was being needy at all, but after reading somethings I see that thats exactly how ive been. I hope all is well!!! but are separated now and she moved out to find her self. But its not necessarily him hating me, like I have felt. I have always been the most important person to him, I know he has loved me more than he loved ANYONE in his life, like I was just the one thing that really mattered, and now I feel like I dont matter and im so confused by that. The anger of the OW totally throws me off. And honestly, part of me is like who the hell cares. Midlife Crisis: Signs, Causes, and Coping Tips - HelpGuide.org I dont even know why I started it. Did she get back in touch? I couldnt agree more! And then I was calling the shots. When I finally removed myself from his game he was left with nothing. But im SO sick of just trying to be so happy and so upbeat all the time around him. Dress nicely and just leave the house for several hours. (Which was about a month ago now) And We had a very lengthy, crying convo, which ended with a long hug and him apologizing and saying he knows its all his fault and he wishes he could take it back and maybe down the road we could be okay and we decided no Divorce or custody arrangements, that he would give me some time and we would make a schedule for him and the baby. 2. They believe (wrongfully) they have something special. He said he did not want to b/c he wanted to R. I picked up the phone and told him on X date you will go to a friends house until you find your own place. CLEARLY. That much I know. He was not looking for ego boosts from others. I didnt really want to talk, I said I didnt feel good and was going to work from home. Right now is affecting my work; I cant concentrate, thinking about them. TheFirstWife I told him thats fine, do what he needs to do and ill sign. I so badly dont want to be disrespected by him so I am assuming things and (like him and her talking) and I am flipping out, in hopes he will see I wont be a doormat, but then a day later I calm down and I want him around and I am more myself. I had all the lies to me about me and backstabbing two faced bullshit and I couldnt stand any more so I outed my serial cheating husband on Facebook which made our kids mad at guess who NOT THE LYING CHEATER OR HIS MULTIPLE WHORES they were mad at me they blamed me for his screwing sewer rats boy was I hurt to find out HE set me up he played me and our kids off against each other. I am not going anywhere for now, but he doesnt need to know that. Midlife Crisis: When The Fog Lifts, What Happens Next If your partner is going through a midlife crisis, youre probably anxious for signs that theyre coming out I am not sure how this works. But THIS MAN isnt him. He loves our daughter more than ANYTHING and I know that, and he knows he is a good dad but he also chooses to go out a lot and stay out until 3am and then claim he has no freedom. And Im going to get a good therapist to talk to. I feel like it would have pulled him out of his affair fog real quick and made him do a reality check but now I struggle with guilt and anger at myself because it ended up going on for years and years and years afterward because I did not have the backbone to do that. I believe he would have been totally happy living a double life but I foiled his plan. I think the issues stem the fact that he thought that because we were in contact we were still in a relationship. No! Shes not been complete gone if you ask me. He is using that to support his evil wife persona of you. But I also just hate this. I mean its not like we ever hug or anything like that, but we chat, we get the baby ready for bed, we sleep in the same bed. But 5 years later after DDay we have a great M. None of the past issues have resurfaced. Free therapy advice that could save your sanity. Im not going to accept it. I want to be this busy person ive always been and do all these things, but im realizing that I did all those things before bc I felt so secure in my life having him as a husband. She doesnt trust him. For the life of me I cannot remember where, so I cant give proper credit, but here it is anyways. He changed. I didnt know we had problems so it all has been a total rollercoaster. THAT sets a fire inside me and I just cannot help but start to ask him questions, which annoy him and he starts saying :This will never end. Its good to know that Im not alone in this. They feel a new high, a feeling of being in love. There was a 2nd and 3rd DDAY but that was 4 yrs ago this January. You tell him you want to talk openly and honestly. You are very smart. I said to him that when he met the OW he became a bar rat bc she was a bartender and he went to her bar everyday after work, and now hes doing that same thing at home, just without her involved. I became my mother. You need to be prepared b/c you have a baby. I feel like I am beginning to hate him, so I am SURE he is continuing to see me negatively. Maybe im allowing him too much freedom and he will just love it. I picked up the phone and made arrangements for him to stay with a friend until he found another place. I am moving on and focusing on my self. B/c he was planning on leaving me. Your observation that you would have been replaced may be accurate. Whether that means through college or after, he cannot just walk away without living up to his responsibility as a father. I never thought my life could take this kind of turn, and when it took this turn, I NEVER thought that this many months later I would still be in a position of heading towards divorce, when I know thats not what I want, but I fear he will do it just bc he doesnt know how to fix it and doesnt want to right now. Learn how your comment data is processed. What was happening behind my back, I think I could have handled a lot more because you werent walking in and lying to me. He got really angry and said I dont do anything around the house besides feed the baby and that he could do what I do. Finally, we would really like to hear from you about what you think has to happen to get the cheating spouse out of the affair fog so they can begin to behave more rationally and realistically. I dont want a husband like this. I also wonder what he meant when he said that I am too impatient. But right now you are being manipulated and used. And if hes NOT worried about losing you trust me b/c I have experience in this he may continue this pattern indefinitely. He clearly isnt worried enough about losing me to where he feels like he needs to make a change. and if I dont invite him then im afraid he will throw it in my face and say it hurt his feelings. But then again most Betrayed Spouses are destroyed and devastated by the infidelity. Their spouses are acting strangely to say the least. Thats HIS guilty conscience talking. Or you can take some time to decide WHAT YOU WANT!! Your advice is great and its so right. He pays half the college expenses AND not just tuition. I know that HE has to be the one to want it, HE has to be the one to want to reconnect with me, I know I cannot make him want that, and any effort to make him want that is only going to push him away. It was just the same life over and over again. Waiting for him to make a decision can only last so long. . After a couple of months, if theyre still continuing the affair and in the fog, you have to start changing your behavior somehow. You cannot get anyone to see your point of view if they dont want to. Last week I had a suspicion that he was continuing to talk to the OW, and I had a minor blow up. Now your H may use any of this as an excuse. I can kick him out for sure and maybe he will be sad for a few days, but im left completely devastated, thinking of all the good times we used to have. But if they dont want it to end them the CS will find fine way to continue the A. He is destroying a family but then again he doesnt care. When we started dating I was madly in love with him. Its like he wants to talk to me about his life sometimes and im ok with that, but I dont know where I am supposed to enforce boundaries. Still in the same bed. I realized that because I was acting in a predictable way and giving you the safety net, that if I would have started behaviors that were unpredictable of me, I think that would have woke you up. Stay strong. It was like pulling teeth but I hung in there. Part of me is TERRIFIED that I will start to solely focus on me and the baby and stop asking him questions about what hes up to, and he will take advantage of that and start doing whatever he wants as if hes not married and start to enjoy it and fall more and more out of love with me. She would just stare at them and never say a word. But really what else am I supposed to do? I told him I know you email her. He basically blew me off and just kept saying ok whatever ok whatever.
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