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Thus the popularity, especially by women, of letting them down easy. A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. Im sure the OP isnt looking to treat the worker like a piece of meat for their amusement. Giving away ones phone number is a safety risk for the girl with indeterminate reward - silly to ask. They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. Theres a lot of faux-socializing in retail thats meant to put the customer at ease and convey a general politeness expected in dealing with human beings (Hi, how are you today?). I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). I dont know if I get hit on very often, Probably not since most of the male customers are either 5 years younger then me or at least 15 years older then me. the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. Thanks gsa, Im actually not really comfortable asking someone out, and then there is the whole customer/employee dynamic, but it sounds like Im going to have to be the one to make a move so thanks for the reinforcement! There are a million variables here. Maybe you should stop by is perfect because simply not showing up is a lot easier than rejecting someone outright. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. I think that is the difference. By entering this site you declare If she doesn't drive a conversation on her own initiative then stand down and shrug it off. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. Finally, she asked him out. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. I would not go to a private residence alone if I hadnt hung out with someone before. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 20 years or so. Make sure you speak clearly. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. Give her an easy way out. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Cashier Nothing high pressure, just hey call me if you want to get coffee. We hung out a few times, then both moved away from the area but were still friendly now. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. He was driving through the parking lot at work, waiting by my car, leaving things at the customer service counter for me like cards, flowers, etc.. it was extremely uncomfortable not just for me but for my coworkers who were forced to be nice to this creep.. and yes, hes certainly a creep. Do not do this in a situation where someone cant leave or cant answer 100% honestly (positive or megative). Even if you dont mean for this to be the case, you are in a position of power when you are his client, and its inappropriate to initiate something like this when youre not on equal terms. I am quite new to relationships, but the signs she gave me are promising. There are definitely some completely unreasonable managers out there, particularly in retail. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Or she might clue you in on to where she might be outside of work. What are the prerequisites of whimsy? Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. I have a boyfriend. Never accept a cashiers check thats written for more than the amount you asked for. How To Ask Keep in mind, if you do date, you may have to limit your time at this store anyway. (Not that youre Lisa, OP, just that its a humorous musical way of showing how two folks interpreted the same interaction!). Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. This powerful weapon can be obtained through several means, and, To read the offense in Madden 21, look for the playmaker markers, pre-snap reads, and read/react opportunities. He just seems interested. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. There is a certain subset of people who enjoy exerting their power over people in customer service positions, and a fair number of men in that subset will flirt with women in customer service as a means of exerting that power. This happens to us (generally speaking; there are certainly exceptions) *so often* that it can feel predatory at our jobs, even if it really isnt. I just want to do my job and part of that job is being nice to people and making sure they are enjoying our services. If nothing else, it might be a good way to screen for fellow AAM readers. Or if you buy a bottle of wine, you can ask her about it. Slightly OT but those ads were my free entertainment when I was unemployed. I used to wait tables when I was young, and a lot of times guys (and horribly old men, too!) I don't believe I do haha. Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. That's a pretty good indication something's happening. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! Many of the people who perpetrate this type of thing wholeheartedly believe that theyre having a fun, reciprocal conversation while the target is thinking, oh my god, Im not allowed to stop being nice to this person but ewwwwwww.. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. I almost forgot about the boy from the produce department! I dont think its fair to ask people to voluntarily take on that risk at work when theres another approach that will neatly avoid that issue. And if she did come back at a later time and ask you for coffee, it would be a very great surprise. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. If she does, give her your number and leave, if she doesn't just leave and act like nothing happened, you don' want her to look at you like a creep or something. So the power dynamic is not so different. Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. I have no doubt that there are some rare instances where this has worked out and the couple is now happily married with three kids and a dog and a white picket fence. I worked in restaurants for years and later on in customer service and sales. Please. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. I mean, she's a cute cashier, she probably gets hit on on the regular. I'm from the midwest and women in service definitely say those words, but it is more commonly heard from older women to younger men I'm gonna go touch some grass, you should too S SargeMaximus He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). Q: How should I approach the cashier? She will appreciate you phrasing it in a way that doesn't put her on the spot. Hi. NB They were both well into their 30s when they met. I did it once. I dont understand why asking someone out has to be interpreted as some sort of sexual/relationship-driven ritual. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. For example maybe she likes art and you can suggest to her going to an art gallery together. Talk about power dynamics. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Erin! So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. If you put someone in an awkward position by asking them out when you arent really sure if theyre interested, then you probably shouldnt be mandating (even in your head) how they are to respond. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. has the world just gotten that much more creepy? Too much overthinking going on here. And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board?